How to take-over a Planet in 5 easy steps
Everybody knows right, that Earth has been visited by numerous alien races like the Grays, the Nordics and various Lizard people related to the Royal family for the last few thousand years, and that they have been present here semi-permanently since the 1940s. We also know of course that they’ve been sharing technological advances with us, probing our bottoms and reproductive systems, and transporting select people to and from their home systems. Oh and of course that they have been genetically modiying a subset of our population and their hybrid descendents, and collaborating telepathically with the new world order in order that we as a species might better cope with the challenges to come.
I’m not sure I understand the Alien agenda really but whatever they’re up to just seems to be too much hard work, to be way to visible and be taking much too long. I have a better suggestion for all Aliens reading this blog post (you know who you are) as to how this could all be short-cut to a great degree. If I personally wanted to invade or manipulate a planetery population like ours, this is how I’d handle it:
- Get a crack team of your software developers together
- Have them master the Sony PS2/3 and XBox developer toolkits (dont worry about Wii)
- Have them design a game featuring your own Alien species, accurately modelled
- Make the theme of the game be to exploit and destroy your people
- Sit back and watch, observe the creative desctructive genius that is Human-kind
Once you’ve released a few add-on packs, bonus levels and weapons, and let Humans really exploit what they think is a fictional Alien species, you will then know enough about your own weaknesses, how to defend yourself against the Earthling mongrels, and understand their psyche such that invasion will be an overwhelming and glorious victory with few losses.
The operation will certainly be popular with the voters back in the Pleiades system, you will be a hero and the Emperor will be forever thankful, which is a long time considering you’re likely to be living for a few hundred more solar years yet. Nanu Nanu !!!
ps - I accept all local Galaxian credits as payment for my cunning plan
Posted: by deeknow at June 24th, 2008 under Future, Humour, Science.
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I think Will Wright is an Alien, read your blog post, went back in time and made Spore.
Then there is Destroy All Humans!.
They might’ve gotten in under the radar with UFO: X-Com for the PC in the 90s - I have misty watercolour memories of many happy hours spent sending my pitifully-armed grunts out hunting amongst the wreckage of crashed flying saucers for spindly-armed aliens with bad attitudes brandishing ginormous plasma weaponry. Little did I know my gameplaying rendered me a quisling collaborator in the shadowy alien scheme for world domination. Lucky XP and Vista came along and made running the game too much of a hassle. Thanks Bill Gates, you’ve saved the world!