Cycling Humour
You might think that a sport like cycling would be devoid of humour, but following is my collection of classic quotes from some of the biggest and sexist egos in professional cycling.
No women's cycling for Casagrande
Maglia Rosa Francesco Casagrande was also asked if he was planning to introduce his daughter, Camilla, to cycling when she is older. His answer was short: "Absolutely not, it is not a sport for women. Too hard."
Quotes from Phil Liggett
Phil, the Murray Walker of the cycling world, is truely a living legend. The Tour de France wouldn't be quite the same for the English speaking world without his regularly excitable commentary, following are some of his many humourous quotes (known to cyclists as 'Liggettisms') over the years...
- and Bo Hamburger is, I dare to say it, fried.
- He's crazy. He's always been crazy. And what on EARTH is he doing?
- Hinault... is he a superman or a fool
- Are they on the road to stardom, or are they lambs to the slaughter?
- He's dancing on his pedals in a most immodest way!
- There's no reason to rush into hell.
- Once you pull on that golden fleece, you become two men.
- And Brian, I think Sean Kelly told Fignon in broad Irish exactly what he thought of that idea
- Though he's bald, he's only 23 years old!
- The fox is in the hen house now
- Zabel, Zabel, Zabel, Zabel, Zabel
- The pirate is about to board the ship
- And again they are crossing swords at the front
- To wear the yellow jersey is to mingle with the gods of cycling
- Don't look back. You know what's going on back there because you just left
Why Bikes Are Better Than Women
- The only protection you have to wear when riding your bicycle is a decent helmet.
- You can ride a bike any day of the month.
- You can upgrade your bike, component by component, as you can afford it.
- If you get tired of the way your bike looks, you can just paint it.
- You get detailed specifications, before you buy.
- You can share your bike with friends.
- You don't have to move into a bigger apartment just to hang a bike from the wall.
- Bikes don't care how many other bikes you have ridden.
- When riding, you and your bike always come at the same time.
- The name is printed on the frame in nice big letters in case you forget.
- Bikes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
- You can impress your buddies with the quality of your bike by letting them take it for test ride.
- If someone steals your bike, you can get a better one the very next day.
- If you say things to your bike you don't have to apologize before you can ride it again.
- You don't have to take a shower before riding your bike.
- You can adjust the riding position in 1 mm increments until it's completely comfortable to ride for days on end.
- You can ride a bike for three years without feeling like you have to keep it until you die.
- If anything doesn't work the way you want, you can get it fixed at the local bike shop for $24.95.
- You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your bicycle.
- Your parents won't remain in touch with your old bicycle after you discard it.
- If you get a new bike you don't have to keep sending money to the old one.
Top Ten Reasons Why Computers and Bicycling Don't Mix
- Finding a blender that size would be almost impossible.
- Whaddya mean, megabyte? I can't even chew this disgusting PowerBar as it is.
- The Information Superhighway sounds like an accident waiting to happen.
- Computer programming? No problem. What's your wheel size?
- Who needs more RAM? Once a year is more than enough.
- I don't know what's worse, staring at a screen all day or at my front tire.
- Hard drive? Shoot, wait'll the race.
- Carpal Tunnel makes me claustrophobic.
- I don't want a better monitor. I'm barely passing my urinalysis as it is.
- If I have to restart every time I crash, I quit.